This post is reposted from my old blog, with a few edits. It was originally published February 2019.

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While I was studying abroad in Salamanca, Spain (in January 2019), Morgan Harper Nichols posted an image with text that said “I hope you come alive whenever you are traveling to beautiful and far-off destinations, and I hope you also come alive in living rooms & heartfelt conversations, because I promise you: light is shining there too. In all that is subtle and all that is grand, I hope you come alive, fully present whenever.” Something about it spoke to me, and I’ve been reflecting on how we think of travel as an escape, what that means in the context of mental health, and the ways we live in the moment.

Some background

Spring semester of my junior year of college was rough. Actually, that’s an understatement. Then, a few days after the semester ended, I went right into an intensive, 7 week public policy program at UC Berkeley. Those 7 weeks were some of the most intense and taxing weeks of my life, mentally, emotionally, and physically (though it was also an amazing and inspiring experience). From there, I had a brief break before hitting the ground running of the fall semester. If I thought my spring was difficult, my fall semester of senior year was something else.

When I got to winter break, I was relieved. I was also lucky enough to get a scholarship to fund a winter session study abroad. I took the opportunity to also make a short trip to Paris and Luxembourg before heading to Salamanca. For the most part, when I was there, I felt happy and relaxed, recovering and rejuvenating after a rough year. I thought I was coming back into myself and coming alive again. My trip to Luxembourg to visit a close friend provided me with such a sense of happiness and comfort, and it allowed me to finally slow down and enjoy the moment and being in someone’s company. Traveling around Spain and Portugal with my classmates on weekends while studying in Salamanca was at times stressful but mostly beautiful, fun, and fulfilling. I was loosening up, laughing in ways I hadn’t in a while.

Then, I returned home, jumping right into my final semester. During a coffee date with a good friend of mine, I realized that travel and these short trips are just temporary breaks on dealing with everything happening in my every day life.

Travel as escape

We’re told that travel is life-changing and eye-opening. I agree with that, but it’s often just a step away from your “real” life. Although traveling can bring about a different set of challenges and stresses, for the most part, it’s framed as a way to leave your worries behind. We supposedly live in the moment, taking it all in, but I think the reason we think of ourselves as coming alive when we travel is precisely because it’s this break from our every day. And when we return, nothing has necessarily changed. Those of us who love to travel often also love to think that our travels help us heal, but I’m not sure most of us actually do. How healthy is it to use travel to escape, when it’s really just a way to avoid dealing with our problems?

Being in the moment

You’re living in the moment, but if you’re leaving behind your usual life, thoughts, stresses, worries, happinesses, what does that moment mean?

Don’t get me wrong, being able to get a break, to relax, to breathe, is important and necessary to healing and to caring for our mental health. But that will only go so far. What does it mean when you’re actually just running away from really having to deal with your mental health? What does it mean when you use it as a means to cover up your pain? To choose short term happiness and fun instead of the more difficult but necessary long term work. You’re living in the moment, but if you’re leaving behind your usual life, thoughts, stresses, worries, happinesses, what does that moment mean? I think that kind of moment is different than being in the moment because of the people you’re with, for example.

I certainly don’t have any answers. I’m also prone to thinking too much of the future that I don’t live in the moment, so you can take all of these ramblings with a grain of salt. I want to be able to enjoy my travels but to not use it as a means to escape or hide from my problems. I want to travel in a way that actually helps me to heal (and in a way that doesn’t cause damage to locals while I’m at it). I want to be able to travel in a way that’s a little bit outside my comfort zone but will also help me to grow without creating new traumas. I believe that for some of us, traveling can help with that because it forces us to stretch beyond our usual, to be in slightly uncomfortable situations. Being outside of our usual habits and routine also offers a chance to gain a different perspective, to reflect on our life and how we spend our time.

We all deserve to heal

In the same way I’m working on healing and “coming alive” and being in the moment in my every day life, I owe it to myself to also do that when I’m not at home. I want to be fully present, with all of my struggles and pain and problems and all, and I want to be able to find my way through it, with people who support me and help me find that way. And I’ve had glimpses of those moments.

We all deserve to heal, and we all deserve to give ourselves the room to figure out what that means and what it looks like for ourselves. There’s no one way or one reason to travel, whether near or far. Travel might not even be a place for you or me or us to do that. Maybe that’s okay too. I’m still figuring it out. But I hope that in “escaping,” in taking that step away, we instead find the room to heal. I hope that when we travel, we find space we don’t normally have in our daily life and routines to grow, to heal, to come alive.

I hope that when we travel, we find space we don’t normally have in our daily life and routines to grow, to heal, to come alive.